


Foolish decisions - II

by viictoriasong



Series: Foolish decisions [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, TW: suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-28
Updated: 2016-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-29 16:46:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6384451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viictoriasong/pseuds/viictoriasong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s entirely pointless to think of Rey and long for her. He is a prisoner of the Resistance, and will be for the stars know how long. There is no future for them. If he wants to keep visions of Rey, his child, and how much he regrets becoming exactly the sort of absent father that Han was at bay, he needs to be strong again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Foolish decisions - II

**Author's Note:**

> Prequel to 'Foolish decisions - 1', which I suggest reading first. An anonymous commenter asked me there for a bit of insight into what Kylo's feelings on the situation would be. Here you go! I hope it can compare to part 1 quality wise. My gratitude also go out to everyone who has left kudo's and comments on Foolish decision - 1. I have written for other fandoms before, but never have I gotten such a warm response to my work. It has truly brightened up my weekend!

_Kylo Ren felt_ exhausted _– even during all those gruelling hours of training Snoke had put him through, he had never felt this fatigued._

 _He had left the First Order. Kylo had no longer been able to contain inside him the truth that he’d been pushing away since childhood: he was no match for the Light. All those years in which mastering the Dark side of the Force had been his one and only dream, had been a waste._

_Snoke had been right. At the end of the day, he had_ always _been weak and foolish_. 

 _When a handful of Resistance troops had attacked his spaceship, he had not put up a fight. He had let them take him, beat him,_ punish him _for all his heinous crimes_. _They had thrown him into a small interrogation room, where a sour faced Resistance captain was now pressuring him for information._

 _How long had he been here? Hours, days maybe, but he no longer cared. The sooner this was done, the better it was. He longed for death, and the Resistance surely hated him enough to make that unspoken wish come true soon._

_“Did your commander instruct you to impregnate your former prisoner, the Jakku native known as Rey?”_

_The woman on the other side of the table was dreadfully bored, judging by the tone of her voice. Yet to him, this question was of enough significance to quickly revive his numb mind._

What? 

 _The confusion must have been clear on Kylo’s face, because his interrogator repeated her statement._  

 _“Did your former master ask you to conceive a child with said prisoner? Was getting her pregnant part of a much bigger scheme of his?”_

_Rey was…? No. No no NO. Every cell inside his body came alive to resist this new and heavy reality. His throat burned with the urge to scream, his hands twitching with the desire to destroy something._

_“I need to speak with her. Right now.”_

_The Resistance captain looked up from the device onto which she had been recording their conversation, clearly unimpressed. “Obviously, that is no-“_

_Kylo got to his feet then, picking up his chair and flinging it across the room with all the power he had left inside his body._

_“BRING ME TO HER NOW!”_

* * *

 

Kylo Ren lies on his bed, staring at the dull grey ceiling of his prison cell. It had to be somewhere around noon – Luke would soon come to take him away for their daily meditation session. _To calm your mind and help you adapt to the Light_ , his uncle always said. 

Some hours before, he had woken with a start. _Rey_. Through the remnants of their Force connection, he had clearly picked up that she was in pain. A lot of it. It had taken him some panicked moments to realize that she was most likely not in any sort of danger – she had to be in labour.

Rey would be fine, he had assured himself. She was every inch the warrior – strong, resolute, with a quick mind and unshakeable convictions. She was every inch the sort of person _he_ had failed to be in all his years with the First Order. 

In those two short months she’d been his prisoner, her strength had driven him to jealous rage but her unmistakable warmth and _light_ had also brought him to his knees. That weakness in him, the parts of him that longed to be touched and held and _wanted_ , had given in to her without so much as a second thought. 

Killing Han had been a last, futile attempt at trying to ward off the Light inside him. It hadn’t helped: rather than enveloping him in darkness, shame and sadness had urged Kylo further into the light. So he had simply given up. 

Now, finally their child was to be born. 

Kylo thinks of the few times he’s met with Rey in the past months. Why she continued to see him, why she didn’t even abort his child – it’s all a mystery to him. He’s done horrible things…. Of all people, she _surely_ must have the most reason to hate him. 

Compassion, then. The thing he’s seen in her eyes. The thing he’s felt each time she meditated beside him, or urged him to calm down whenever his feelings of uselessness became so overwhelming he simply wanted to steal a blaster and use it on himself. 

He doesn’t know if she plans on still seeing him once the baby arrives. They have not discussed this – they have, in fact, barely spoken about the child, despite the obvious elephant in the room. A pregnant stomach becomes too large to hide at a certain point after all. 

Kylo groans and slams an angry fist into the mattress. 

It’s entirely pointless to think of Rey and long for her. He is a prisoner of the Resistance, and will be for the stars know how long. The First Order intel that once made him valuable will soon run out or become outdated. Who is to say what the Resistance will do with him then? 

He sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed. He puts his hands to his thighs, pressing his nails hard into the flesh. One of the first things Snoke taught Kylo was to focus on pain, to hurt himself in order to see clearer. He’s more or less promised Luke never to use such methods again, but Kylo can’t help it. 

Today, his uncle’s softer way of dealing with emotions will simply not do. If he want to keep visions of Rey, _his child_ , and how much he regrets becoming exactly the sort of absent father that Han was at bay, he needs to be strong again. 

Kylo is eventually pulled from his reverie by the sound of the door. 

Leia – _General Organa_ , he mentally reminds himself – enters the room. She is all authority, and nothing about her is anything less than professional. 

Kylo eyes her quietly, the usual uneasy silence settling between them. She was his mother once, but that was years ago. Whatever intimacy there might still have been left between them was destroyed when he took his fathers’ life. 

 She speaks first. “Rey has asked me to inform you that her child has been born. A healthy girl.” 

He swallows, a heavy feeling sinking into his stomach. Good. Good for Rey. She will surely make a wonderful parent. 

“Congratulations.” Kylo says, a weak attempt at trying to wittily deflect the news and keep his face from crumbling. 

The General does not seem moved. “What are your plans with this child?” 

 _Huh_. She’s still not certain he doesn’t have a double agenda then, he thinks. Kylo simply shrugs his shoulder in a dismissive gesture. “ _Plans?_ I’m stuck between these four walls. There is nothing I can do for the child, nor she for me.” 

Leia’s expression softens, but she doesn’t let go. “Rey is a good women. Kind. She will come here with her daughter, no matter if I advise against it. If you become a treat to their safety, I will make sure you never get to lay eyes on them again.” 

Kylo nods. From his perspective, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all. Perhaps it would be best, for everyone involved. 

Just when he thinks their conversation is done, Leia steps forward, suddenly speaking with a much warmer voice. 

“Your grandfather -” Even after all those years it’s still odd to Leia, referring to Darth Vader as her __father, “He came back to the Light side, in the end. To save his son. By then, he was as good as dead. _You_ still have many years ahead. Try to put them to good use – for the sake of your daughter.” 

She then turns on her heels, quickly leaving Kylo behind. 

He rests his head in his hands, his body collapsing under the weight of this situation. He furiously rubs his eyes. _No,_ he can’t cry. He can’t think of this. Considering a life with that child, with _Rey_ – he can no longer effort to torture himself with the what if’s of a life much better than what he, weak as he is, probably deserves.


End file.
